Payback
by web of light
Summary: B'Elanna's experience of being the 'hot topic of the week' has unexpected results.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh, damn it." B'Elanna threw her calipers down on the floor. The one thing she hated more than messing up was not being able to keep it a secret. Picking up the tool, she left the area, knowing her crew would start talking about her the minute she was out of sight. Reminding herself the recent fiasco was a joint effort and their motivations pure was no consolation.

She took the turbo lift to her upper workstation so she wouldn't have to face them, but there was no escaping a guilty conscience. _How can the captain trust me after this?_ Every bad decision she ever made started playing on a continuous loop inside her head. Everyone had been right about her. Her mother, her Academy teachers, the Starfleet crew who questioned her 'promotion' over Joe Carey-

Someone entering the room interrupted her thoughts. She groaned inwardly as Tom Paris intruded into her private place. She fastened her eyes back on her console, wondering if she could get by without acknowledging him.

"Lieutenant Torres. The helm report," Paris said, using that same tone he always used around her. Guarded amusement. It was annoying most of the time and now it was downright infuriating.

"You couldn't have left that with someone downstairs?" She asked, talking more to the panel than to him.

"The last time I did that you apparently didn't see it for two days and you lectured me about it, in the mess hall. In front of everyone. You made it clear I was to hand it to you personally." Nice even clipped tones. No hidden undercurrent of anger in his voice.

She hated it when he was right. _Every time he made a mistake or messed up I was right there, telling him what I thought about it, not caring if we had an audience._

"Just put it down there. I'll get to it," she said still refusing to look at him. She waited, insults at the ready just in case he started anything. He would say something snarky, something hurtful. She knew he had been waiting for just this moment.

"Of course, Lieutenant." The padd made a light clinking sound as he dropped it on the panel. She didn't look up as he left the room. That was it? He was obviously playing some kind of head game with her. Maybe _he_ was waiting until they had an audience.

Was his latest screw-up just a few weeks ago?

 _So Paris, you volunteering for the next away mission? I saw the ambassador's wife. She looks like your type._

 _If your type has scales, that is._

It was funny at the time. Seska never tried to be discreet. He must have overheard.

But no matter what Tom had done on Banean, he didn't almost blow up the ship. It took real talent to pull that off. She closed her eyes, seeing it again, mentally castigating herself for blindly linking that incompatible alien technology to Voyager's systems. That wasn't the sort of thing people just brushed off. Eventually, she would have to face everyone. As much as she wanted too, B'Elanna knew she couldn't hide out in engineering forever.

After a few hours of self-imposed solitary confinement, she made her way back to the lower level. The level of chatter ceased immediately confirming her suspicions. They had been talking about her. Without looking around her she marched straight through the doors to the corridors.

She used to eat lunch with Seska, but Chakotay had assigned her best friend to Gamma shift. Not exactly a punishment for their part in the Sikarinan Incident, but close enough. It meant facing the mess hall alone. The sound of the closing door behind her gave way to a wall of silence. Everyone in the room stopped eating to look at her. Part of her wanted to march into Neelix's kitchen and start throwing his pots and pans against the wall, but she refused to provide them with any more entertainment. Without a word, she turned around to go back into the hallway, but found herself with no sense of purpose. Wandering around aimlessly in the corridors didn't appeal to her, besides, she would run into other members of the crew who would give her that judgmental 'look' that she used to throw to other people. She didn't want to hide out in her quarters. That would feel too much like giving up. An idea popped into her head.

"Computer, locate Harry Kim."

"Ensign Kim is in his quarters." He was someone to talk to. Harry didn't judge people and knew the whole sordid story. She headed off in the direction of his quarters without a second thought.

After hearing his invitation, the door hissed open. Harry greeted her but all she saw was Paris sitting there, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, staring down at the floor. She castigated herself for her lapse in judgment. Of course, he would be here. _Why didn't I ask the computer?_

She started to back out. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you weren't alone." Before she could turn around Harry was by her side.

"No, please stay. Tom and I were just talking about what happened and…" Harry's face was contorted into his classic sad face.

"Funny, that's what _I_ wanted to talk about but I'll just say, I'm sorry about everything, Harry. You can get back to talking about me because I know that's what you were doing. Everyone else is." Once again she started to leave, but this time Harry laid a hand on her arm, gently restraining her.

"Actually, we were talking about me," Harry said. The serious nature of his tone made B'Elanna turn around to face her friend.

"Harry thinks it was all his fault," Paris said as he sat upright. B'Elanna searched for that smirk he used when he was being sarcastic, but it wasn't there.

"I suppose you have an opinion?" She snapped. She was tired of waiting. She wanted Paris to stop messing around and just say what was on his mind.

"I wasn't saying anything at all. I was just letting him talk."

"Come in, B'Elanna. Please." Harry begged before she could react to Tom's response. "I don't know how I could be so stupid."

"How you...Harry! How could you possibly think this was all your fault?" she asked. She remained standing by the door because she knew she couldn't relax with Paris in the room.

"Because I'm the one who gets overexcited whenever I think we've found a quick way home. I keep getting ahead of myself. If I had just kept my mouth shut-"

"You weren't the one who stole the device. You weren't the one who attempted to use incompatible technology without checking it out first. You're not the one who almost blew up the ship. I don't know why I'm not in the brig."

"Because you are valuable to Voyager," Paris said quietly. "No one else can do what you do." His quiet demeanor was getting downright unnerving. He should be laughing at her, taunting her. Why wasn't he? "It's not the first time one of us has made an error in judgment."

 _Error in judgment. That was it?_

"I should have just kept my big mouth shut," Harry repeated. "I need to accept that we're not going to make it home for a long, long time."

"I think you just need to slow down and enjoy the ride, but that's just me," Paris said.

"Just like you were doing on Banean?" B'Elanna said. _Damn it Paris. Say something. Anything. Get it over with already!_ Paris remained silent.

"B'Elanna, shut up!" Harry's face went from sad to angry in the blink of an eye. "Did you see what happened to Tom during one of those cycles?" He demanded. B'Elanna was taken aback by his reaction. Paris was supposed to react to her goading, not Harry.

"No, I didn't." She had heard about it, but the fact that Paris had suffered hadn't touched off any feelings of sympathy.

"Well if you had, you would have seen that it was terrible. He was in extreme pain, not only physical but psychological. He paid too much for his horrible, horrible crime of...flirting with a woman," Harry said. "Because in the end, that's all he did."

B'Elanna let that sink for a moment. Harry wouldn't lie about something like that. "You mean you and she didn't…" _All the nasty jokes, all the cruel insinuations._

"Sorry to disappoint." This time Paris smiled. "If you don't believe me, you can ask Tuvok. Or the Doctor, he did an ARA scan. I wasn't completely innocent, but the truth is, hardly anything happened. But none of that matters now. What matters is we stop Harry from being so hard on himself." Tom directed his attention away from B'Elanna to Harry. "You have to stop beating yourself up over this." His eyes went back to B'Elanna. "And so do you, Torres. From what I hear, you were the one that destroyed the trajector, saving the day."

"Yeah, I was a real hero," she said as sarcastically as she could. She was uncomfortably aware that, despite her snarky comments, she and Paris were having an almost normal conversation.

Paris stood up, allowing himself a good stretch. "We're still here, aren't we? Why don't we finish this conversation over lunch? I know for a fact that Harry here has some replicator rations saved up so why don't we go to the mess hall and treat ourselves."

"Go out there?" B'Elanna visibly shuddered.

"Yeah, why not? What's the worst thing they can do? Talk about us?" Tom smiled. For the first time, B'Elanna felt the gentle sting of guilt. Paris had gone out there day after day with this 'thing' waiting for him. The 'thing' that she helped create.

"I'd rather not." _I can't face them. Not yet_. She could hold her own against Cardassian raiders without flinching but sitting down with Paris in a public place while being the hot topic of the week was asking too much, even if Harry was there to serve as a buffer.

"Don't tell me that after all this, you still don't want to be seen talking to me? Face it, Torres, you've crossed over to the dark side," Paris said. Now there was sarcasm. Now he was being the smart-mouthed Tom Paris. Harry finally let a small smile cross his face.

"Is this some kind of joke? This your way of rubbing it in?" B'Elanna asked, crossing her arms in front of her. Was he trying to lure her into the mess hall just so he could finally have his revenge in public?

"No, this is my way of saying I'm hungry, I'm going to get something to eat and you're welcome to join us. Look, I know you're not used to being on this side of things, but after you get used to it, it's not so bad. Besides, we've got Harry to protect us."

"I can't." _Mercenary, liar, maybe, but not a murderer, and apparently not an adulterer either- and he doesn't hold grudges._ "You two go ahead."

"Well, take it from me. Best just to shrug it off. The whole cold shoulder thing won't last long. Next week, they'll find something new to talk about. This will all be forgotten."

Lying in bed later that evening B'Elanna stared at the ceiling to her quarters. The first day after the Incident had been stressful. She still hadn't braved the mess hall but her team had managed to move past it. Maybe she had helped talk some sense into Harry. She still didn't know what to make of Paris and his attitude. She wondered what Seska would make of it when they were finally able to get together and talk again. _Could it be_ ….she yawned to herself as she drifted off… _that we were wrong about Paris?_


	2. Chapter 2

"Lieutenant Torres, did you at any time have any suspicions concerning Seska's true identity?"

"Tuvok, she fooled Chakotay, you, the captain, all of us," B'Elanna said. She didn't know why Tuvok had picked these empty quarters on a mostly uninhabited deck for his interrogations. She pulled at the collar of her uniform. It was getting warm in here.

"Did she ever, in confidence, make any kind of threats against _Voyager_ or any of the senior staff?" At this moment, she hated his species and their dispassionate ways. There he stood, asking questions as if the reveal of Seska being Cardassian was nothing out of the ordinary. If his Vulcan senses hadn't picked up on anything during his brief time serving beside Seska in the Maquis and then on _Voyager,_ then how the hell did he expect B'Elanna to have noticed anything? She was starting to feel stiff from sitting for too long. The security officer did not feel the pressure of time constraints. He could stand there and ask her inane questions for hours. She needed to get out of here. Leaning forward in the chair, she did her best to focus.

"At first, she hoped the Maquis would mutiny and take over Voyager," she said carefully choosing her words. She didn't want anyone else to get in trouble. "But it didn't last long. Chakotay made it clear early on that we needed to work with the Starfleet crew. As far as threats, she never liked Janeway and she really hated Paris."

"Her antipathy toward the captain and Lieutenant Paris was no secret," Tuvok said. B'Elanna wished Tuvok would change position or pace around the room. Cough. Do something else instead of just standing there staring down at her.

"She never got over the captain stranding us here, and as far as Paris was concerned, he was a liar, a mercenary, without honor and most of all, because he was a traitor to the cause. She was convinced he was a Federation spy when he joined the Maquis."

That earned a raised eyebrow. "How-ironic," Tuvok said. If B'Elanna didn't know any better she would have thought this was his way of trying to be funny. _Seska calling Paris a traitor. I almost believed her._

"The worse thing she ever suggested," she continued. "Apart from the mutiny, was giving replicator technology to the Kazon so they would leave us alone. That should have been a tip-off. Cardassians don't have a Prime Directive. I didn't say anything because we were Maquis, used to breaking the rules."

"This is true, but I highly doubt that even the Maquis would give technology to an underdeveloped species such as the Kazon."

B'Elanna's mood at the start of this interview had been foul and now it turned to flaming. "For the last time I didn't suspect anything and I didn't see her do anything suspicious!" B'Elanna snapped. It was definitely hot in here.

"There is no reason to lose your temper, Lieutenant Torres. You have not been accused of anything. We are merely trying to ascertain how Seska was able to stay in contact with the Kazon."

"Well, I don't know! And why are you keeping me in here for so long? You didn't do this with anyone else!"

"As it was, apart from Chakotay you were the one person she was closest to. It is only logical that your memories be scrutinized more carefully."

 _A not so subtle reminder about how I was so easily taken in by her?_

"Scrutinized more carefully? Why don't you just do a mind meld?" She asked.

"I do not wish to offend but I would prefer to not-"

"Mind meld with a Klingon. I don't blame you. I've told you everything. Now can I go?"

"I see no reason to keep you any longer. If you think of anything that might help us-"

"I'll let you know." Getting up to leave she wanted to pound the door open. The few seconds before she heard the gentle hiss as it opened was an eternity. She should go back to engineering but wasn't up to facing them. She could see them now, the suspicion in her eyes. As if they had any room to question anything. They worked with Seska every day, the same as B'Elanna. Some of them had even served in the Maquis with her.

 _I never trusted Paris. Convenient that he ran into that Federation ship after he left us. I wonder what he told him._

It had been one hell of a day. While in engineering, she had seen the transporter in use. She heard the exchange between the captain and Paris and then all the senior staff were called to the briefing room. Tuvok informed them that he would be conducting an investigation. The Captain was angry, Chakotay looked like he had been caught unprepared by a sudden storm. Harry was openly shocked. Paris had merely crossed his arms and stared past all of them, finding something on the far wall very interesting. B'Elanna had gone weak. She actually had to sit down. Everyone else was looking at Chakotay, gauging his reaction. Almost everyone. Paris had turned toward her and was on the verge of saying something when she jumped back to her feet. He and Janeway exchanged a glance.

 _Janeway's pet. After everything he's done she gives HIM the Conn? I'm telling you B'Elanna, I think there's something going on there._ _That's how he works._

She couldn't go back to her quarters. Too many memories of late night bull sessions with Seska. They had been friends before, but they hadn't become close friends until finding themselves working in Voyager's engine department together. Then it started. Getting together for lunch, drinking wine during their off hours, sharing life stories, or B'Elanna thought they were sharing, but looking back B'Elanna realized Seska said little about herself. Some vague references to a refugee camp but always implying it was too terrible to talk about. She asked mostly about what went on in the staff meetings, about what the captain was thinking or planned to do about this or that. Like a fool B'Elanna told her almost everything, thinking it was just part of their general gossip sessions. Then they would bond and laugh about how terrible Paris was.

 _Paris._ He was right. The talk about the Sikarians died down and now she was still the one everyone talked about because of her friendship with Seska, the Cardassian spy. B'Elanna could imagine their thoughts. _Surely she must have noticed something!_ Rage built up inside her. Rage at Seska, rage at herself. She would return to engineering eventually, but she had to do something first. It was something no one on the ship would possibly understand, and she would get called out for it, but none of that mattered.

She stopped at the holodeck. Sandrine's was running. Perfect. It was empty. She didn't want to run anybody out and she didn't feel like putting up with the over-effusive Sandrine, the chauvinistic Gary, and certainly not that parasite Rikki.

She took a seat. Seska had never come here. B'Elanna had asked but it was Paris' program and Seska wanted nothing to do with him.

 _You're right B'Elanna. He is a pig!_

A random memory surfaced. Once, in engineering, a panel to one of the Jeffries tubes would not budge, even though everyone had a go at it, only for it to fall off after Dalby 'mind-melded' with it. Everyone but Vorik burst into laughter at the unexpected outcome. B'Elanna remembered Seska wiping her eyes while laughing- B'Elanna shut her own eyes. Tears welled up under the lids, tears of anger but also tears of loss. B'Elanna didn't make friends easily. It had happened again. She put herself out there, and all she got for her troubles was to come away betrayed and abandoned.

Getting up B'Elanna started to pace back and forth but on impulse picked up the first chair she came to and smashed it hard against the floor. It broke into several pieces. She hadn't meant to do that but it felt good. Another chair and then some bottles, the liquid spilling out creating little rivers on the floor. A few plates went sailing against the far wall and then some glasses. She enjoyed the sound of breaking crystal.

 _Why me? Out of all the Maquis on this ship, why did she single out me? Was it because I was so stupid, so naïve, so desperate?_

"What the hell?" A voice came from just inside the door.

 _Why didn't I put the privacy locks on this damn thing?_

She turned, holding a chair in mid-air to see Paris standing in the doorway, taking in all the evidence of her path of destruction.

"Get out!" She yelled, throwing it in his direction. Luckily it fell short, coming to rest on the floor just in front of him.

"You're telling me to get out of my own program?" He asked. "This is the last place I thought needed safety protocols!"

"For your own good I'm telling you to leave!" She picked up another chair.

"This is about Seska." His voice became flat, almost as toneless as Tuvok's. He remained by the door, the wisest thing he could have done.

"What the hell else would it be about?" This time B'Elanna aimed the chair at an opposite wall. "I bet you're happy. You're glad she's gone." The wood broke against the wall, the legs going one way, and the arms another.

"My life might be a lot easier now, but- I'm sorry."

Pulling two beer mugs down from the upper counter she turned to face him. His unexpected words of condolence startled her. "Sorry for what?"

"I know you considered her a friend. That's a hard thing to lose, no matter what the circumstances," he said. "If that happened to me, I'd be doing the exact same thing." Reaching down he picked up a piece of the chair she had just smashed. He shook his head at it. "Well, maybe not the _exact_ same thing, but I'd still be as mad as hell."

She stopped in mid-throw to consider his words. He was trying to be understanding, but she was too far gone. "Don't waste your platitudes on me!" She threw one of the mugs into the mess of debris that she had created in the middle of the room. It gave a satisfying loud crack as the handle broke off.

"You're probably wondering why, out of all the people on Voyager, you were the one she singled out-" Paris began.

"Because I was the stupid one, who couldn't see what she really was? Because I was weak…" B'Elanna interrupted him. She let go of the other mug, watching as it broke into pieces on the floor. Tiny shards of glass danced around for a moment before becoming part of the pile.

"I actually have an idea about that, if you can stop throwing things for a minute. That is if you care to hear it," he said. Her behavior didn't seem to be having much of an effect on him.

She hesitated for a minute, part of her unwilling to trust him and the other part in desperate need of answers. "Go on," she said.

"If I were to guess, she probably picked you because you were on the senior staff," he said. "She needed someone on the 'inside' who wasn't Chakotay and you were the person most accessible to her. Think about it. Harry is too naive, too Starfleet. Tuvok? Hah. Me? I don't know but I got the sense that she felt she had to keep her distance from me. Not because I'm smarter than anyone else, but because I see things. I notice things other people don't. Call it a gift, call it a curse. I'm always meddling in people's lives, asking too many questions. That left you. It had nothing to do with your intelligence or anything else, Torres. You were a gateway."

B'Elanna started in on the cutlery, but Paris' words made her stop in mid throw. Bringing her arms back down to her side she turned to stare at him. "But all the rest of it's true. My weakness..." _My need for acceptance._

"That's not what she exploited, Torres. If anything, she exploited your strength."

"What the hell? What strength?" Knives and forks made a clattering sound as she dropped them down on the bar.

"That's how they work, B'Elanna." Now that she had no weapons he moved closer to her, picking his way through the trail of broken furniture and plates.

"Are you trying to explain Cardassians to me? I fought them. I know what they're like!" Her hand went back down to pick up a spoon. She gripped the handle to the point where she thought she might bend it.

"You saw them in battle," Paris said. "You saw soldiers. I know how they work when they're not fighting. Growing up in Starfleet you learn things. My father…"

B'Elanna cut him off. "I know about your father. And the captain, and their experiences with the Cardassians."

Paris took another few steps toward her, this time being careful to avoid the wet spots. Some of the wine must have been real because now a sour fruity smell was permeating the air.

"I know you like to dismiss your Klingon half, but it's still a part of who you are. I think Seska was trying to appeal to your innate sense of honor. That might be another reason why she targeted me. To convince you that I had none whatsoever. It was something to bond over. It's a common tactic. That find something that matters to their unwitting contact and they exploit it. Deep down, that probably does matter to you, even if you never acknowledge it, and when you think about it, she could have gone after you for worse reasons."

B'Elanna's anger started to dissipate. She hated to admit it but his words made a certain kind of sense, but they left her more confused. She didn't know whether to find his idea comforting or more disturbing. _Honor...and my need for friendship. None of this started until we were stranded here, on Voyager._ She placed the spoon back down on the counter.

"Did you suspect anything?" She asked, turning the conversation away from herself.

'No, not at the time, but it adds up, at least to me,' he replied.

"So she really didn't hate you? That was just a cover?" she asked.

"I have no idea how she really felt about me, but I could see her pretending to, just to achieve her objective."

"She lied about everything. About caring about our cause, about our friendship, about..." _You_. More anger leeched out of her. "Did it bother you, what we were doing?."

Paris shrugged his shoulders. "I'm used to people talking about me. If nothing else, it was keeping you entertained." B'Elanna had nothing to say to that. "Look, if you think you're stupid, then we're all stupid. The captain, Chakotay, Tuvok, all of the Maquis. You're not," he said, apparently not noticing the change in her demeanor. He took a good look around the room. "And you're certainly not weak. Computer, end program."

The pile of debris disappeared except for a few bottles and some of the spilled liquid. She was right. Some of it had been real.

"Computer, activate waste protocols," he said. A tiny transporter wave shot through the arrays of the holodeck, searching at first, then settling on the remaining glass and liquid. "Extract waste." The remaining traces of B'Elanna's tirade evaporated to be recycled.

"I'm sorry about the wine," she said, meaning it.

"That's ok. We can always make more." Paris' eyes went wide and he took a step back, wincing. He obviously hadn't meant to say that.

B'Elanna connected the dots immediately. "Do you mean to tell me you've been using the ship's energy and resources to make...did Neelix approve this?"

"Not exactly. You aren't going to tell anyone are you?" He gave a slight grimace as if in pain, reminding her of a little kid caught stealing candy.

She sighed. "I'll tell you what. I'll let it go, this time, if you promise not to tell anyone about...this."

"You have my word." His relief was so obvious and amusing to the point where she almost smiled. "Any time you come into the mess hall and have no one to talk too, feel free to join me and Harry,' he continued. "And don't let all the gossip get to you. By this time next week-"

"They'll have something new to talk about." B'Elanna finished for him. "I don't think I'll be joining them." _So that's it. He doesn't need or expect an apology._ Something inside of her started to turn.

"Are you going to be ok? I mean, the person you thought was your friend turned out to be your sworn enemy," Paris asked. She turned away from him. He sounded sincere but then, so did her father at times. So did her mother-and so did Seska.

 _The person who was my sworn enemy has turned out to be…what? My friend?_ No, she couldn't go there. Everything was still too fresh. She had been hurt too many times. Never again.

"I'm sure I'll manage," B'Elanna said, walking past him out the door without so much as a glance in his direction. "I always do."


End file.
